Postive Reinforcement vs Criticism

This is just an observation for all the coaches out there.

My son is playing on two teams this year. One is very competitive and the players are very intense. The other is a school team and is less competitive and the kids less intense. We noticed that my son was doing very well on the stronger team and making a lot of mistakes on the school team. He was also not having fun on the school team. This is not what we expected. We expected him to have more fun on the school team.

Yesterday, on the school team, he made some great plays at short stop and hit a 3-run homerun. He also missed two ground balls that went right by him. As we were leaving the field, the head coach of the team yelled "Good Game" to him. As we walked by the assistant coach, he looked at me and my son and said "Now we just have to get him to get in front of those ground balls." I didn't think much of it until the ride home. My son was upset. I asked him what was wrong and he replied that he wasn't very good. I told him he had a great game and should be proud of himself and that he is a very good player. It hit me that the assistant coach had really taken the wind out of his sails. I also realized that this was not the first time that this coach had done this.

Now we understand why my son is not having a good time and not doing well. He feels that he has to be perfect. This man points out every mistake he makes. This assistant coach is a nice man and I think he is trying to help my son but his good intentions are hurting a very good ball player.

I want to add that my son's other coach NEVER points out mistakes unless they are technical and even then they are corrected privately and quickly and usually followed by something positive. His philosophy is that everyone makes mistakes and as long as you try it doesn't matter what the outcome is. The players on his team are very relaxed and rarely make mistakes. I guess it's because they know they're allowed to.

Please be careful how and when your criticism is delivered and what your last words are to a child - they can have a lasting effect.